His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
