I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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