Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
