She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
