One girl and one boy is just not enough.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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