I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
