Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
