He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
