I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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