I can tuck mytits in my pants
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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