You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize