Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We are all done wearing pants today
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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