is your mom at the bar?
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just made my gag reflex go away.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
