I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
