I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize