Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
