my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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