We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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