The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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