pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
