did you get engaged???
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
