Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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