Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
