My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
