I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
