Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize