Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
