idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
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My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
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Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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