i just had sex bonerless
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
