Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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