he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
