We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
