I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
