I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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