TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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