It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
