dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Randomize
