I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
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