I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
