I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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