is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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