I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
That's when you crack a 10am beer
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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