every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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