Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
