Ambien. No doubt about it.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
