Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
