I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
