i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
