I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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