I bet he comes in French.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
