the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
