Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
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It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
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which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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