I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i drank out of a bidet.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
