Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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