She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Randomize
