I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
