you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
