are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
you made out with another girl for some wings
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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