At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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