i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
