Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
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She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
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She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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