the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
